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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

My best friend of 10 years, she, labels herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything constantly. When we eat out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because the food gets cold.

She isn’t exactly an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates vlogs about city life, a day in her life, and her work as a stylist. The material is quality, I’ll give her that, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. Sometimes she films me while dining, or simply tagging along. Later, I appear on her feed later, and it pops up like a surprise: I might be no makeup on, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

Marielle also anticipates that I will to film her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we're simply spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about this arrangement, she dismissed it. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the time and effort I spend assisting her make content.

I appreciate that she has helped me with my design career, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes I feel that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her vlog.

She will say, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It feels forced. I need her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love spending time with her, but I also desire to experience it without being recorded, edited, or posted for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I am passionate about creating videos. It's more than a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to express myself and engage with people in novel forms.

I wouldn't label myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the details, sharing them with an viewership that appreciates the craft behind it. I never intend to make Beth uneasy. Taking her to industry events was my method of offering access, providing her a opportunity to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I’d still take her to these events even if she refused to assist me, but I want her to see what the content we make together can get us: an opening. I understand not everyone enjoys being on camera, but often spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don't demand anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but friends help each other in minor capacities. I thought recording a clip here or there would be enjoyable for her. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes projects energetic and enjoyable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never deliberately embarrass her. But creating content jointly sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I cherish Beth’s friendship deeply and don’t want content creation to come between us. I’m willing to compromise: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her uncomfortable.

This is not about power, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Clearly content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s enjoyable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s job, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to create content with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have done it before. If Marielle loves shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is willing material. She needs to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It’s nice she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what her friend desires.
A commenter, 27

It seems like you care about each other, so cling to that and ensure it’s the focus in your friendship. Foster some authentic experiences, where true emotions are preserved, not digital scrapbooks. In fact, celebrities who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when she’s with Beth – she’s working. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each setting defined boundaries around what is comfortable to them and seeing if there is an acceptable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their bond?